The opposite day considered one of my meditation college students wrote, asking for some recommendation. She was having to downsize and transfer right into a smaller condo. And this meant that she couldn’t maintain on to a few of her household heirlooms, like her mom’s wedding ceremony china. It additionally meant that her teenage son wouldn’t be capable to proceed dwelling along with her. That final half was significantly painful.
So I wrote the next in response:
It’s arduous to let go of issues, and to have relationships change, so I can admire why you’re struggling.
The adjustments you’re going by means of are distinctive to you, even when others have been by means of comparable experiences, so I supply the next solely as stuff you would possibly take as a place to begin in your personal reflections.
Is there something you’re wanting ahead to in regards to the transfer? It could be which you could concentrate on issues like creating extra of a way of simplicity in your life, or creating a brand new area round you that helps aspirations you will have. If there are issues you may sit up for, then specializing in these would possibly assist shift your perspective in regards to the transfer.
Paradoxically, I discover myself with an excessive amount of “stuff” in the mean time. When Teresa and I moved in collectively, we ended up with duplicate furnishings. Some we removed, however we ended up with two eating tables and no room for both of them, and they also’re in storage in our basement. I look within the basement and see all of this litter, and I typically assume that if all of it disappeared in the future I in all probability wouldn’t discover for weeks, since I rarely have a cause to go down there, and that if I did occur to stroll into an empty basement I’d be happy! So actually we should always do away with all that stuff, however except we had been shifting once more there’s actually no motivation to take action.
Anyway, I do like to consider the liberty and lightness that comes from not being burdened by issues I’ve however don’t use. I don’t know if that’s one thing that you could possibly additionally embrace.
I typically additionally take into consideration the truth that in the future I’m going to die, and that, as they are saying, you may’t take it with you. Who would have your mom’s wedding ceremony china when you’ve handed away? If there’s nobody apparent who would take it, you then would possibly take into consideration what the distinction is between giving it away now and it being given away when you’re lifeless. Benefits to passing it on now (even to strangers) can be that you just’d know another person was having fun with it, that you just’d given them this present, and that you just’d be accountable for the place it goes. When you die, none of these issues can be attainable.
With regard to your son, I’m wondering in case you might consider sending him out into the world as a person? Is there a way you could possibly construct as much as ritually or ceremonially marking and celebrating this transition in his life? I can think about, for instance, that it could be pretty to create a e-book of knowledge teachings (possibly accompanied by images of the 2 of you) that might information him as he goes into the world and stay as a tangible file of his transition. One thing like which may provide you with a constructive focus that mitigates the struggling of the change.
As I stated, I’m simply throwing some concepts on the market. I’d be actually fascinated to listen to what you give you your self.
What has helped you get by means of painful intervals of change? Why not share within the feedback beneath.